Letter From an Older Young Woman to a Younger Young Woman

I recently wrote a letter to a sweet girl who just turned 12; I babysat her and her older brother throughout my high school years. It turned out more like a top-ten list than an actual letter, but includes some of the most important lessons I've learned in my long young life. Enjoy!


10 Things Every [Young] Woman Should Never Ever Forget

Let God teach you how to trust Him. Psalm 146:3 says “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.” Even the most wonderful Prince Charming is not perfect and cannot complete you. When you allow yourself to truly trust God, you will be able to appreciate your Prince Charming and not resent him for his imperfections.

Be yourself as hard as you know how. Don’t change yourself to meet the expectations you believe others have of you. God created your mind, body, and personality exactly the way they should be. To change yourself is to tell God He made a mistake creating you, which is impossible, so learn to love what God created in you!

Make friends with your emotions. There will be many times when you will feel like you’re going crazy with all the feelings that come with adolescence and womanhood, but when you can see them for what they are, allow yourself to completely experience them, and let God walk with you through them, you will be able to maintain your sanity.

Find out what your purpose is and embrace it. When you find out what you were created for, you won’t be happy doing anything else. Take the time to discover the things you love to do and take every opportunity to do them!

Don’t feel guilty for protecting yourself. Henri Nouwen wrote “Never allow yourself to become public property, where anyone can walk in and out at will. You might think that you are being generous in giving access to anyone who wants to enter or leave, but you will soon find yourself losing your soul.” (The Inner Voice of Love) This goes for relationships with friends and romantic relationships. Set boundaries for yourself and maintain self-respect at all times. You are worth it!

Don’t lie to yourself. Or at least recognize when you are. There are few skills more important than learning how to be honest with yourself. You will have no hope of being honest with others until you are honest with yourself. The best place to acquire this skill is in your secret place with the Lord.

Journal often and honestly. Then keep your journals and read over them at least every couple of years. You’ll be surprised how much you will learn from your younger self! Journaling is a great place to process what’s going on in your head and heart. Sometimes things come out of your pen that you didn’t even know were in your heart.

Never underestimate the power of Scripture. Before anything else, and when all else has failed, bury yourself in the Truth that passes all our understanding. On your worst days, get alone and read Scripture out loud. You will never be disappointed in the results.

Learn to enjoy yourself. You will be with yourself longer than anyone else, so you might as well enjoy it! Get plenty of alone time and find ways to love yourself.

Make life an adventure! One of my all-time favorite quotes is this: “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘WOW! What a ride!’” Take every opportunity to experience new things and go new places!

The Inner Voice of Love

I picked up a book from Half-Price Books yesterday and just started looking over it last night. WOW. The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri J.M. Nouwen is a collection of journal entries from what he describes as "the most difficult period of [his] life." Each entry is anywhere between one to three pages of spiritual imperative written to remind himself of Truth. My sweet friend Crystal had the great fortune of talking to me immediately after I read through the first 10 or so entries and patiently processed with me what the Holy Spirit was already revealing to me through this man's reflections.

My favorite entry so far is below. It exposed my wrong belief that my body is what keeps me from truly experiencing intimacy with God. For the longest time I've thought that if my soul could just exist outside my body that I wouldn't be weighed down with so many of the sins I constantly struggle with. While this may be partly true, the incarnation of Jesus removed any value my excuse may have had. Because Jesus "shared in [our] humanity" and was "made like his brothers in every way" (Hebrews 2:14, 17), He proved that it IS indeed possible to live in the flesh and still be the soul God created me to be!

Trust in the Place of Unity

You are called to live out of a new place, beyond your emotions, passions, and feelings. As long as you live amid your emotions, passions, and feelings, you will continue to experience loneliness, jealously, anger, resentment, and even rage, because those are the most obvious responses to rejection and abandonment.

You have to trust that there is another place, to which your spiritual guides want to lead you and where you can be safe. Maybe it is wrong to think about this new place as BEYOND emotions passions, and feelings. BEYOND could suggest that these human sentiments are absent there. Instead, try thinking about this place as the core of your being--your heart, where all human sentiments are held together in truth. From this place you can feel, think, and act truthfully.

It is quite understandable that you are afraid of this place. You have so little knowledge of it. You have caught glimpses of it, you have even been there at times, but for most of your life you have dwelt among your emotions, passions, and feelings and searched in them for inner peace and joy.

Also, you have not fully acknowledged this new place as the place where God dwells and holds you. You fear that this truthful place is in fact a bottomless pit where you will lose all you have and are. Do not be afraid. Trust that the God of life wants to embrace you and give you true safety.

You might consider this the place of unification, where you can become one. Right now you experience an inner duality; your emotions, passions, and feelings seem separate from your heart. The needs of your body seem separate from your deeper self. Your thoughts and dreams seem separate from your spiritual longing.

You are called to unity. That is the good news of the Incarnation. The Word becomes flesh, and thus a new place is made where all of you and all of God can dwell. When you have found that unity, you will be truly free.

The New Normal

When I started law school in August I thought that I would be giving up my life for a season and then things would go back to normal. I've learned over these past two weeks, as I've tried to grasp "normal" again since my first year of law school has been completed, that there is no going back. When I changed the structure of my life to incorporate the mad journey of continuing education and changing careers I passed an invisible point of no return and have to now adjust to a new normal.

What does this new normal look like you ask? There are the long hours in coffee shops, the protein bars for dinner during the week, getting excited about cleaning my house and doing laundry in rare times of not studying or avoiding studying, and seeing friends a few times each year instead of a few times each week or month, but the new normal also looks like spending more time with my family. Not only because I succumbed to realizing that I desperately need their love and support, but because they need mine too. Law school has changed me into someone who is weak and even occasionally needy and I have become more sensitive to the weaknesses and needs of others, specifically those of my family. As cheesy as it sounds, I have more love for my family now than ever before and truly desire to be involved and care for them. I have no control over the painful circumstances that seem to relentlessly follow my family, but I can control my love for them. Even though my sweet friends are so precious to me and have lifted me up and encouraged me, for the first time I have been choosing to spend time with family instead of my friends.

The new normal also has brought me to a place of re-identification. Many times I feel like a puzzle piece that has been separated from it's puzzle and the picture I'm trying to connect with doesn't quite fit. As a social worker, a law student, a friend, a church member, and a Project Duncanville leader, many times I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. I guess I keep trying to fit everything in my life into a box that looks like the old normal and when things don't fit the way they used to, I feel like I don't fit in my own life. When you physically move to a new place and start all over it's easier for the mind to grieve the old and begin something new. But when you are in the same place with the same people, starting over feels awkward and painful, almost like fasting at a feast. I'm in an uncomfortable place of figuring out who I am (again), apart from all the things I used to identify myself by.

While extremely uncomfortable and even depressing, this process is good for me. As God continues to chip away at me with His wide variety of divine tools, I am constantly reminded that as I identify myself as a daughter of God and a friend of Jesus, it will be easier to stop grieving over worldly associations that won't last past my short lifetime. Although so hard for me to see, as God has been stripping me of things I have held tightly to, like spending time with friends, serving my church, and protecting my pride, He has left me with the precious gift of His Presence. As my Momu told me last week, even though I'm glad to be in God's school of life, I am ready for this particular course to be over and hope that I don't forget the lesson.

Fears Playing Pretend

When I was little my favorite game was "play pretend." I put on ridiculously-fitting dresses and outfits my mom had saved from her high school and college years and I pretended to be someone else. When I was very convincing (and possibly manipulative) I would dress my brother up too. We always pretended to be someone we were not. It is a common game that, I am discovering, I have not quite grown out of.

I have seen my feelings of incompetence and inadequacy play pretend, putting on a robe of laziness. And it seems that insecurity likes to joing in the fun, putting on a dress of superiority so it won't look so lame.

These feelings and even the outfits they put on are all hanging out inside of me.

My recent observations of myself have been interesting as I attempt to be a participant-observer of my own life. What I see is always humbling. Lately I've seen myself late to work more, check my facebook more, and play more brickbreaker on my blackberry than any person should, especially when balancing a full-time job and law school! I have also noticed that I lack confidence in my abilities and don't always feel competent enough to do what I need to do well. I have seen my fear of failure make a tent out of laziness and hide in it, only coming for a brief appearance at critical deadlines. I keep wondering if I felt more confident maybe I would approach life and work and school with more vibrancy instead of hiding under the covers.

I've also become more aware of an issue I've had my whole life: insecurity masquerading as superiority. I've always been shy (believe it or not!). I've always cared too much about what others think of me and about having approval of those around me. More than many times I have compensated for this crippling and awkward fear by talking about myself and all my "great accomplishments." I'll always have the first week of 6th grade burned in my memory, starting at a new school meeting my classmates and earning the "bragger" title because my insecurity gave way to me telling everyone about how amazing my trip to Space Camp was (great accomplishment indeed!). Even recently, I've watched myself hold back from kindness and talk more about myself, and it's more severe the more insecure I feel!

It is definitely humbling to realize these things, but supposedly self-awareness is the first step towards change. I hope that now, after identifying these costumes my fears like to play pretend in, I can recognize them sooner and throw them out of my life.

What kind of costumes do your fears and insecurities put on?

Unique Blessings in Singleness

About two years ago I listened to a sermon that changed the way I view my relationship status as a 26-year-old single woman. John Piper has such a wonderful way with explaining the Truth of the Bible and I would like to share a message of his here. Every time I hear or read this message, I'm encouraged and motivated to let God use every day of my life. This has spoken clearly to me, as I have a great desire to have a family someday and continually struggle to submit that desire before the Lord. You can listen, watch or read the sermon in its entirety here: Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters.

I am interested to hear any feedback anyone may have, as Piper approaches this issue in a unique way.

To whet your appetite, my favorite line in this sermon is at the end, where Piper exhorts: "And with this promise there comes a unique calling and a unique responsibility. It is not a calling to extend irresponsible adolesence into your thirties. It is a calling to do what only single men and women in Christ can do in this world, namely, to display by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness to the truths about Christ and His Kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage."

Giving the Gift of Going Second

At Crystal's suggestion, I would like to share a blog post that changed my life and strengthened relationships with those I am closest to. The concept this post talks about, "giving the gift of going second" is incredible.

Think of those times when someone opens up to you and confesses something deep, intimate, humiliating... Then, all of a sudden, it becomes safe for you to make your own "unsafe" confessions. There is freedom and liberation in bringing our private pet sins into the light so that we can see them for what they are: dirty, manipulative, and small.

It's so easy to believe the lies that our sins are beyond redemption, that they are too big or too awful to be healed. But when we bring them out and show them to those we trust, we are able to see them the way God does. When I bring my secret sins out, in the company a close friend and Jesus, this is what He tells me: "Yes, darling, those are evil. But I am more than capable of healing and restoring you. Trust me, I am more powerful. Those sins don't stand a chance against the power of my Spirit!" I have found that the more I consistently talk about them, the more they are brought into the light, the more I find the Spirit is sufficient to renew me.

So read this post from Stuff Christians Like #502. Confessing "Safe Sins" and I challenge you to give the gift of going second to someone this week.

Your Promise Preserves My Life

It's amazing to see what great things God can do when we allow ourselves to need Him. Truly, deeply, desperately, pathetically need Him.

I have experienced incredible blessings over the past five weeks because God has done something very simple for me. He has kept His promises! The Bible is full of promises. From salvation to provision to all sorts of other "-ion" words, He makes promises to us and dares us to hold Him to them. When we choose to have faith, which my mom insists must include a step of obedience, we allow ourselves to experience God's faithfulness.

I have been forced into greater dependence on God. This season of life is unlike anything I've experienced before, in good ways! God has given me His promises, new every day and every week, and Has shown me how creative He can be in keeping them. Here are just a few that I have really clung to over the past month:

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

In Mary's encounter with the angel Gabriel: Gabriel: "...nothing is impossible with God." Mary: "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:37-38

God has literally given me everything I need, been powerful in my weakness, and encouraged me to trust Him to accomplish this task through me. If my faith was in myself I don't know how confident I would feel, because I know how weak and fallible and, honestly, what a mess I am on my own. However, I have chosen to believe that God has not brought me here to fail, that He will empower me to succeed, and to do this thing I would never be able to do in my own strength.

PLUS, He is giving me consistent reminders that He is taking care of every detail of my needs. I am an incredibly social person and my regular interaction with others is limited now. But God is providing encouraging and uplifting interaction in places and moments I never expect. From my Friday night coffee shop corner to a small women's Bible study with a few other law students to my delightful friends finding ways to remind me I'm not alone. My mom even comes over to help me clean my house when I am too overwhelmed to take care of it by myself!

There are so many other ways God has kept His promises... financial provision, understanding my classes, not getting sick... the list is unending. He is teaching me that He is attentive, faithful, creative, timely, and specific in His responses to my needs.

I feel like I am just starting to believe what we sing on Sundays... "You are more than enough for me" ... "You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed" In spite of how hard as this season is, or maybe because of it, God is truly allowing me to fall even more in love with Him. What an amazing and unexpected lesson of my first semester of law school!