Adventures in Life

Letter From an Older Young Woman to a Younger Young Woman

2010-07-21T18:16:00.006-05:00

I recently wrote a letter to a sweet girl who just turned 12; I babysat her and her older brother throughout my high school years. It turned out more like a top-ten list than an actual letter, but includes some of the most important lessons I've learned in my long young life. Enjoy!

10 Things Every [Young] Woman Should Never Ever Forget

Let God teach you how to trust Him. Psalm 146:3 says “Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.” Even the most wonderful Prince Charming is not perfect and cannot complete you. When you allow yourself to truly trust God, you will be able to appreciate your Prince Charming and not resent him for his imperfections.

Be yourself as hard as you know how. Don’t change yourself to meet the expectations you believe others have of you. God created your mind, body, and personality exactly the way they should be. To change yourself is to tell God He made a mistake creating you, which is impossible, so learn to love what God created in you!

Make friends with your emotions. There will be many times when you will feel like you’re going crazy with all the feelings that come with adolescence and womanhood, but when you can see them for what they are, allow yourself to completely experience them, and let God walk with you through them, you will be able to maintain your sanity.

Find out what your purpose is and embrace it. When you find out what you were created for, you won’t be happy doing anything else. Take the time to discover the things you love to do and take every opportunity to do them!

Don’t feel guilty for protecting yourself. Henri Nouwen wrote “Never allow yourself to become public property, where anyone can walk in and out at will. You might think that you are being generous in giving access to anyone who wants to enter or leave, but you will soon find yourself losing your soul.” (The Inner Voice of Love) This goes for relationships with friends and romantic relationships. Set boundaries for yourself and maintain self-respect at all times. You are worth it!

Don’t lie to yourself. Or at least recognize when you are. There are few skills more important than learning how to be honest with yourself. You will have no hope of being honest with others until you are honest with yourself. The best place to acquire this skill is in your secret place with the Lord.

Journal often and honestly. Then keep your journals and read over them at least every couple of years. You’ll be surprised how much you will learn from your younger self! Journaling is a great place to process what’s going on in your head and heart. Sometimes things come out of your pen that you didn’t even know were in your heart.

Never underestimate the power of Scripture. Before anything else, and when all else has failed, bury yourself in the Truth that passes all our understanding. On your worst days, get alone and read Scripture out loud. You will never be disappointed in the results.

Learn to enjoy yourself. You will be with yourself longer than anyone else, so you might as well enjoy it! Get plenty of alone time and find ways to love yourself.

Make life an adventure! One of my all-time favorite quotes is this: “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘WOW! What a ride!’” Take every opportunity to experience new things and go new places!

The Inner Voice of Love

2010-07-03T20:40:00.004-05:00

I picked up a book from Half-Price Books yesterday and just started looking over it last night. WOW. The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri J.M. Nouwen is a collection of journal entries from what he describes as "the most difficult period of [his] life." Each entry is anywhere between one to three pages of spiritual imperative written to remind himself of Truth. My sweet friend Crystal had the great fortune of talking to me immediately after I read through the first 10 or so entries and patiently processed with me what the Holy Spirit was already revealing to me through this man's reflections.

My favorite entry so far is below. It exposed my wrong belief that my body is what keeps me from truly experiencing intimacy with God. For the longest time I've thought that if my soul could just exist outside my body that I wouldn't be weighed down with so many of the sins I constantly struggle with. While this may be partly true, the incarnation of Jesus removed any value my excuse may have had. Because Jesus "shared in [our] humanity" and was "made like his brothers in every way" (Hebrews 2:14, 17), He proved that it IS indeed possible to live in the flesh and still be the soul God created me to be!

Trust in the Place of Unity

You are called to live out of a new place, beyond your emotions, passions, and feelings. As long as you live amid your emotions, passions, and feelings, you will continue to experience loneliness, jealously, anger, resentment, and even rage, because those are the most obvious responses to rejection and abandonment.

You have to trust that there is another place, to which your spiritual guides want to lead you and where you can be safe. Maybe it is wrong to think about this new place as BEYOND emotions passions, and feelings. BEYOND could suggest that these human sentiments are absent there. Instead, try thinking about this place as the core of your being--your heart, where all human sentiments are held together in truth. From this place you can feel, think, and act truthfully.

It is quite understandable that you are afraid of this place. You have so little knowledge of it. You have caught glimpses of it, you have even been there at times, but for most of your life you have dwelt among your emotions, passions, and feelings and searched in them for inner peace and joy.

Also, you have not fully acknowledged this new place as the place where God dwells and holds you. You fear that this truthful place is in fact a bottomless pit where you will lose all you have and are. Do not be afraid. Trust that the God of life wants to embrace you and give you true safety.

You might consider this the place of unification, where you can become one. Right now you experience an inner duality; your emotions, passions, and feelings seem separate from your heart. The needs of your body seem separate from your deeper self. Your thoughts and dreams seem separate from your spiritual longing.

You are called to unity. That is the good news of the Incarnation. The Word becomes flesh, and thus a new place is made where all of you and all of God can dwell. When you have found that unity, you will be truly free.

The New Normal

2010-05-21T15:20:00.000-05:00

When I started law school in August I thought that I would be giving up my life for a season and then things would go back to normal. I've learned over these past two weeks, as I've tried to grasp "normal" again since my first year of law school has been completed, that there is no going back. When I changed the structure of my life to incorporate the mad journey of continuing education and changing careers I passed an invisible point of no return and have to now adjust to a new normal.

What does this new normal look like you ask? There are the long hours in coffee shops, the protein bars for dinner during the week, getting excited about cleaning my house and doing laundry in rare times of not studying or avoiding studying, and seeing friends a few times each year instead of a few times each week or month, but the new normal also looks like spending more time with my family. Not only because I succumbed to realizing that I desperately need their love and support, but because they need mine too. Law school has changed me into someone who is weak and even occasionally needy and I have become more sensitive to the weaknesses and needs of others, specifically those of my family. As cheesy as it sounds, I have more love for my family now than ever before and truly desire to be involved and care for them. I have no control over the painful circumstances that seem to relentlessly follow my family, but I can control my love for them. Even though my sweet friends are so precious to me and have lifted me up and encouraged me, for the first time I have been choosing to spend time with family instead of my friends.

The new normal also has brought me to a place of re-identification. Many times I feel like a puzzle piece that has been separated from it's puzzle and the picture I'm trying to connect with doesn't quite fit. As a social worker, a law student, a friend, a church member, and a Project Duncanville leader, many times I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. I guess I keep trying to fit everything in my life into a box that looks like the old normal and when things don't fit the way they used to, I feel like I don't fit in my own life. When you physically move to a new place and start all over it's easier for the mind to grieve the old and begin something new. But when you are in the same place with the same people, starting over feels awkward and painful, almost like fasting at a feast. I'm in an uncomfortable place of figuring out who I am (again), apart from all the things I used to identify myself by.

While extremely uncomfortable and even depressing, this process is good for me. As God continues to chip away at me with His wide variety of divine tools, I am constantly reminded that as I identify myself as a daughter of God and a friend of Jesus, it will be easier to stop grieving over worldly associations that won't last past my short lifetime. Although so hard for me to see, as God has been stripping me of things I have held tightly to, like spending time with friends, serving my church, and protecting my pride, He has left me with the precious gift of His Presence. As my Momu told me last week, even though I'm glad to be in God's school of life, I am ready for this particular course to be over and hope that I don't forget the lesson.

Fears Playing Pretend

2009-10-21T15:11:00.000-05:00

When I was little my favorite game was "play pretend." I put on ridiculously-fitting dresses and outfits my mom had saved from her high school and college years and I pretended to be someone else. When I was very convincing (and possibly manipulative) I would dress my brother up too. We always pretended to be someone we were not. It is a common game that, I am discovering, I have not quite grown out of.

I have seen my feelings of incompetence and inadequacy play pretend, putting on a robe of laziness. And it seems that insecurity likes to joing in the fun, putting on a dress of superiority so it won't look so lame.

These feelings and even the outfits they put on are all hanging out inside of me.

My recent observations of myself have been interesting as I attempt to be a participant-observer of my own life. What I see is always humbling. Lately I've seen myself late to work more, check my facebook more, and play more brickbreaker on my blackberry than any person should, especially when balancing a full-time job and law school! I have also noticed that I lack confidence in my abilities and don't always feel competent enough to do what I need to do well. I have seen my fear of failure make a tent out of laziness and hide in it, only coming for a brief appearance at critical deadlines. I keep wondering if I felt more confident maybe I would approach life and work and school with more vibrancy instead of hiding under the covers.

I've also become more aware of an issue I've had my whole life: insecurity masquerading as superiority. I've always been shy (believe it or not!). I've always cared too much about what others think of me and about having approval of those around me. More than many times I have compensated for this crippling and awkward fear by talking about myself and all my "great accomplishments." I'll always have the first week of 6th grade burned in my memory, starting at a new school meeting my classmates and earning the "bragger" title because my insecurity gave way to me telling everyone about how amazing my trip to Space Camp was (great accomplishment indeed!). Even recently, I've watched myself hold back from kindness and talk more about myself, and it's more severe the more insecure I feel!

It is definitely humbling to realize these things, but supposedly self-awareness is the first step towards change. I hope that now, after identifying these costumes my fears like to play pretend in, I can recognize them sooner and throw them out of my life.

What kind of costumes do your fears and insecurities put on?

Unique Blessings in Singleness

2009-10-13T12:11:00.000-05:00

About two years ago I listened to a sermon that changed the way I view my relationship status as a 26-year-old single woman. John Piper has such a wonderful way with explaining the Truth of the Bible and I would like to share a message of his here. Every time I hear or read this message, I'm encouraged and motivated to let God use every day of my life. This has spoken clearly to me, as I have a great desire to have a family someday and continually struggle to submit that desire before the Lord. You can listen, watch or read the sermon in its entirety here: Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters.

I am interested to hear any feedback anyone may have, as Piper approaches this issue in a unique way.

To whet your appetite, my favorite line in this sermon is at the end, where Piper exhorts: "And with this promise there comes a unique calling and a unique responsibility. It is not a calling to extend irresponsible adolesence into your thirties. It is a calling to do what only single men and women in Christ can do in this world, namely, to display by the Christ-exalting devotion of your singleness to the truths about Christ and His Kingdom that shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage."

Giving the Gift of Going Second

2009-10-05T09:45:00.001-05:00

At Crystal's suggestion, I would like to share a blog post that changed my life and strengthened relationships with those I am closest to. The concept this post talks about, "giving the gift of going second" is incredible.

Think of those times when someone opens up to you and confesses something deep, intimate, humiliating... Then, all of a sudden, it becomes safe for you to make your own "unsafe" confessions. There is freedom and liberation in bringing our private pet sins into the light so that we can see them for what they are: dirty, manipulative, and small.

It's so easy to believe the lies that our sins are beyond redemption, that they are too big or too awful to be healed. But when we bring them out and show them to those we trust, we are able to see them the way God does. When I bring my secret sins out, in the company a close friend and Jesus, this is what He tells me: "Yes, darling, those are evil. But I am more than capable of healing and restoring you. Trust me, I am more powerful. Those sins don't stand a chance against the power of my Spirit!" I have found that the more I consistently talk about them, the more they are brought into the light, the more I find the Spirit is sufficient to renew me.

So read this post from Stuff Christians Like #502. Confessing "Safe Sins" and I challenge you to give the gift of going second to someone this week.

Your Promise Preserves My Life

2009-09-27T17:21:00.000-05:00

It's amazing to see what great things God can do when we allow ourselves to need Him. Truly, deeply, desperately, pathetically need Him.

I have experienced incredible blessings over the past five weeks because God has done something very simple for me. He has kept His promises! The Bible is full of promises. From salvation to provision to all sorts of other "-ion" words, He makes promises to us and dares us to hold Him to them. When we choose to have faith, which my mom insists must include a step of obedience, we allow ourselves to experience God's faithfulness.

I have been forced into greater dependence on God. This season of life is unlike anything I've experienced before, in good ways! God has given me His promises, new every day and every week, and Has shown me how creative He can be in keeping them. Here are just a few that I have really clung to over the past month:

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

In Mary's encounter with the angel Gabriel: Gabriel: "...nothing is impossible with God." Mary: "I am the Lord's servant, may it be to me as you have said." Luke 1:37-38

God has literally given me everything I need, been powerful in my weakness, and encouraged me to trust Him to accomplish this task through me. If my faith was in myself I don't know how confident I would feel, because I know how weak and fallible and, honestly, what a mess I am on my own. However, I have chosen to believe that God has not brought me here to fail, that He will empower me to succeed, and to do this thing I would never be able to do in my own strength.

PLUS, He is giving me consistent reminders that He is taking care of every detail of my needs. I am an incredibly social person and my regular interaction with others is limited now. But God is providing encouraging and uplifting interaction in places and moments I never expect. From my Friday night coffee shop corner to a small women's Bible study with a few other law students to my delightful friends finding ways to remind me I'm not alone. My mom even comes over to help me clean my house when I am too overwhelmed to take care of it by myself!

There are so many other ways God has kept His promises... financial provision, understanding my classes, not getting sick... the list is unending. He is teaching me that He is attentive, faithful, creative, timely, and specific in His responses to my needs.

I feel like I am just starting to believe what we sing on Sundays... "You are more than enough for me" ... "You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed" In spite of how hard as this season is, or maybe because of it, God is truly allowing me to fall even more in love with Him. What an amazing and unexpected lesson of my first semester of law school!

Knowing and Realizing

2009-09-14T12:22:00.000-05:00

Have you ever known something only to realize it later?

Like you know the swimming pool is cold, but you don't realize it until you jump in and feel the freezing water all over your body. Or like my youth leader Raegan said years ago... you know that Jesus made a great sacrifice to invite us into a relationship with Him, but it isn't until you realize what that sacrifice really means that it truly changes your life.

I knew, almost a year ago now, that going to law school would be hard. I knew I would have to give up the time I've invested and cherished in ministry, family, and friends. I knew it would be lonely. I even cried when I told Christian and Lisa that I was taking steps in this direction because I KNEW it would require great sacrifice.

Well, friends, I have known for a long time what this experience would be like, but I have finally realized it. And I will likely realize it over and over during the next four years. Two weeks ago during church I had a mini-meltdown, mostly consisting of lots of tears and prayers, but it was good! I looked this seemingly impossible task in the face and gave it to my Lord.

This is what I've known and finally realized... I can't do it on my own. Funny, how even when given the Truth I forget so easily. Paul said "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." (1 Cor. 1:25) Why do I continually attempt to trust in my own strength, when God has told me that my weakness, trusted to Him, is more powerful? I'm so thankful for His patience and persistent grace!!

I hold on to this promise from Jesus: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Cor. 12:9) At least once a week I have had to pray specifically for strength and grace. I have to do things I don't want to do all the time now (like study, read, go without sleep) and I don't get to do things I want to do (watch movies, spend time with friends, sleep)... it's actually great practice in dying to myself, something Jesus called me to anyway. I hope and pray that this practice in dying to myself will ultimately give way to opportunities to die to myself for things that matter more than being prepared for classes and exams.

This experience has also granted me a double dose of humility. Not only because I said "um" for almost a minute straight the first time I was called on in civil procedure (don't worry, it ended better than it started!) and not simply on the grounds that I drag a dorky roller bag all over the law quad. I have experienced humility in struggling through understanding legal concepts, in crying more frequently, in begging for the prayers of others.

I'm realizing this all sounds super depressing, but it's not!! What an opportunity for cleansing and rejuvenation this is!!! How many times do I willingly allow God to come in and make me more dependant on Him?? (answer: never!) This is a hard transition, for sure, but I am so thankful for it and wouldn't have it any other way!

In other exciting news... God perfectly provided for the financial needs I experienced during this last month due to unexpected expenses that came up with starting school! Just ask if you want the whole story (in my opinion it was truly a miracle!). And things with Project Duncanville are progressing better than I expected... we now have a volunteer coordinator who will be working for free until we have secured funding and we will begin utilizing the Project Duncanville House starting in October!

My favorite new legalize word so far: sequestration, the act of removing, separating or seizing anything from the possession of its owner under process of law for the benefit of creditors or the state.

And, just for fun, an idea of what my books look like after I'm through with them!

Wishing I read my Bible more like my casebooks... and my first moment of distinction

2009-08-28T11:37:00.001-05:00

I have now completed my first full week of classes. I made it!! And more importantly I enjoyed it. Here are few brief glimpses into the first week...

I read a LOT. I spent about 20 hours this weekend reading, and re-reading, and re-re-reading for my first few classes. I had hoped to read everything for the whole week and it didn't happen, so this week I tried to fit in even more reading at night after class and at work when things weren't super crazy. I'm actually enjoying the reading and outlining though. I've already developed a color-coding system for highlighting my cases... green for facts, blue for procedural posture, pink for rules of law, yellow for court ruling, and orange for dicta. That way if I need to find something important and my briefs leave me hanging, I can quickly identify the information. It makes the pages look so much prettier too!!

I wish I read my Bible like my casebooks. With all the highlighting and analysis and digging into these cases, I realized that I would get much more out of the Bible if I tore it apart like I do the cases. Often I read the Bible passively, looking for a "Word just for me" or some kind of comfort. But not often enough do I really study, really analyze, really find out what treasure this Book really holds. Just like I will never be able to go to a case, find a statement that seems to support my argument and use it out of context and without authority, it's ridiculous that I go to the Bible and try to take a verse or idea and apply out of context and without any analysis. It's a good challenge to me to dig deeper in the Word of God!

I miss my friends. I knew it would be hard having to limit my social life and commit all spare time to my studies, but I'm experiencing it being hard already. Having to say no to parties, dinners, even having to limit time on the phone to the time I'm driving is not fun. I have a tendency to feel isolated pretty easily, to give into the pity party the enemy tries to throw for me so often. I'm so incredibly blessed to have SOOO many people support me and pray for me and be patient with me, but it doesn't make up for actual interaction. Thankfully I have a great roommate now, but between my schedule and hers (she's a teacher), I don't even see her very often. I'm slowly making friends with a few people in my classes, but we only see each other in class (and I'm pretty sure nobody else in my class lives South of I-30). So to my friends: please still love me even when I don't get to see you!!

I had my first moment of distinction this week. And those of you who know me at all know that my distinctive moments are not always graceful or flattering! In true form I stuck my foot in my mouth yet again and gained special recognition. While waiting outside our classroom with my back to the end of the hall I visited with a few classmates before class started. We had been talking a little bit when the awkward silence that falls when people are just getting to know each other invaded our conversation. Trying to think of something interesting to talk about with my potential future friends, I asked them if they knew if we had to have answers prepared for the questions our professor had emailed the day before. They made some funny faces and just told me I could ask him myself. I thought that was an odd response, and was not deterred from trying to kick out the awkward silence, so I told them I was sure glad he sent out that email because I didn't know what in the heck he was talking about in class! They just made more funny faces and I got frustrated that I wasn't getting any real response, so in a last ditch effort to be funny I said, "I mean I know we're all going to BS it anyway, right??" That's when their faces went from funny to utterly contorted and all their eyes went to the back of the hall. I finally looked behind me and, standing about 15 feet behind me, was our dear professor. I casually turned back around, red-faced I'm sure, rolled my eyes, and tried to say a bit more loudly, "I know it's going to be a great discussion!" My classmates laughed, possibly lied and told me that they were sure he didn't hear me. Soon those three were telling others and one made sure I knew that I was going to be the talk of the section that night. What an introduction to law school! By the way, I made a point to make meaningful contribution to the the class discussion that night.

Fo Realz

2009-08-18T08:21:00.000-05:00

It has begun.

I attended my first night of orientation last night. SMU School of Law, or as all the faculty and staff referred to it, "THE LAW SCHOOL." I had been so anxious about starting and allowed fear of the unknown almost make me sick. However, when I walked into the auditorium where we had our orientation sessions I had a sudden confidence boost. All the anticipation had become reality in an instant and I was ready to get to work! I enjoyed getting to know the classmates sitting on either side of me and looking around at my class of around 90 students, taking in and capturing the moment of unfamiliarity. At that moment, everyone was a stranger. Four years from now, we'll all know each other like family (which, in the words of Dean Camp, could be "good news, bad news, who can say?"). It was all very surreal and so exciting!

We received some good information during the first night of orientation... about why SMU is the best (wah wah), about how we must remain balanced and have a good attitude, and most importantly about what this semester is really going to look like for us. We have an incredibly rigorous legal research and writing course and will have major assignments due just about every class before we break for three weeks or so before our final is due. The other classes will be very heavy reading. The school even has its own mental health department exclusively for law students (insert assumptions here).

So I have four classes all together: civil procedure, torts, contracts, and legal research, writing and advocacy. I will be in class four nights each week, Monday through Thursday. I thought that law school classes would be like my masters classes and that I would just have one class each night, but turns out I have two classes on Mondays and Wednesdays and two classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This will make for some interesting scheduling during the week when I have to read and write for those classes on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

When I got home last night I had the most productive two hours I've had in a long time. Shower, clean my house a bit, install new software, read over assignments... My goal is to be asleep by midnight (which will be hard with so much to work on) and to wake up by 6:30am. I'm curious to see how my body holds up (I'm pretty notorious for requiring lots of sleep and not being a morning OR night person). I'm praying a lot, just reminding God that He knows that I need energy and I need money to not just survive, but to THRIVE and live fully, and that I already know He will provide everything I need.

If you happen to be the praying type, please pray for me that I will make the Word of God my foundation throughout this experience and that I will learn how to put workgloves on my faith even more. I will admit that I am scared to live in victory because I'm so scared that I will fail, or worse, that I will think God failed. I think He is giving me the opportunity to fall headfirst into His provision and, because I'm scared to jump, this law school thing may just push me into that incredible ocean of fully relying on the Lord.

Pictures posted!

2009-07-09T23:03:00.001-05:00

Guatemala 2009

I have more pictures on my picasa album if you are interested in checking them out. I will hopefully be adding to this album as I gain access to pictures from others who went on the trip.

Guatemala 2009 - Day 8 - Travels home & Reflections

2009-07-09T16:46:00.000-05:00

Our wake up call was around 3am. We had to ride the bus from Técpan to Guatemala City to catch our flight at 7:10am. I don’t ever sleep well in any kind of moving vehicle, so I didn’t sleep again until I got home many hours later. Our flight to San Salvador was quick and our flight back to Dallas was smooth. I was sad to have to go home, but was ready to be through traveling. We finally arrived in Dallas around 1pm and I made it back to my house by around 3pm.

This trip was different than last year in many ways. Some of the obvious include getting to spend more time with the people of Alfa y Omega church in Santiago and having the incredible opportunity to spend time in Paxixil. However, there were many more subtle differences that I am still processing. The trip went by so quickly that I felt my head was spinning by the time I got home. For some reason I felt more tired this year, more exhausted by our activities. I went to bed earlier and felt less exhilerated. (No old jokes, please!) However, my love for the people in Guatemala has grown. My heart felt like it was about to burst open with the love God gave me for the people I had the pleasure and honor of getting to spend time with there. When we left for Guatemala I wasn't sure if I would commit to going the following year; however, it didn't take long for me to realize that the process of continuing to build relationships with my new friends in Guatemala must be a priority every summer. I pray that God will continue to open doors for me to continue the joy of loving and serving His people alongside Jesus in Guatemala.

Guatemala 2009 - Day 7 - Técpan

2009-07-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

Even Harder Work

I woke up to our last full day in Técpan with sadness and expectation. The trip had gone by too fast and I wasn’t ready to leave yet, but was ready to have a great last day. The men had started their day far earlier than the rest of the team. They joined with 30-40 men from the church who had taken time off work to volunteer with our men. They poured concrete for the 3^rd floor of the education building they are constructing. Last year our men had worked on the demolition of the old education building (a poor quality one-story area) and their goal was to come back and help with the construction of the new building. I’m not sure how this kind of work gets done in the U.S. but in Guatemala it is an incredible process. The project looked less like men working and more like a highly organized ant colony, everyone working quickly and with great precision. There were men mixing the concrete (one of the concrete mixers our church had purchased for them), men shoveling the concrete that had been poured onto the ground into buckets, men lifting the buckets filled with concrete up to the third floor, men pouring the concrete onto the floor, and men smoothing the concrete. I was fascinated and so proud of our men and the men of the church who were so willing to forgo a morning of working for pay to volunteer.

My first glimpse of the men working.

Seeing what a huge project this is!

Children's Ministry

The youth team women joined the children’s team to facilitate services at more daughter churches. They sang and danced, Ms Joanne gave a message while Chrissy translated, and the children did some great crafts, including making crowns to remind them that they are children of the great King! The end of each service always concluded with soccer balls being given to an outstanding child from each age group and everyone got bouncy balls, candy and balloons in the shapes of swords and hearts.

One-on-One with Wayne

I had a very unique task for the day, however, and instead of working with the men or helping with the children I got to assist Wayne with organizing every picture on his laptop. He had seen the picture album from the Guatemala trip last year that I had put online and he wanted me to help him make sense of the pictures on his computer so he could put his pictures online too. We went through every single picture and made new folders and sub-folders and sub-sub-folders. It was fun to get to spend some one-on-one time with such an incredible man.

Wayne Huff, Missionary Extraordinaire

Wayne was an employee of Wycliffe Bible Translators for over 40 years and spent a great deal of time in a rural community where he and his wife worked on the translation of the Bible into the language of the Uspanteco people. When they had to return to the U.S. for family reason, he continued to bring groups to Guatemala on mission trip and has been bringing groups ever since. Wayne is 71 years old and in better shape than most of our team members! There is so much love and compassion and wisdom in this man and he lights up in Guatemala in a way that he doesn’t anywhere else. He told us on the trip last year that we were going to Guatemala, and Jesus lives in Guatemala, and we get to meet Him there! His love for Jesus and his love for Guatemala combine to make an incredible heart. Getting to spend time with him looking through his pictures and hearing more stories behind the pictures was a treasure.

Jesus Loves the Little Children

After breaking for lunch and another brief session with Wayne on how to upload his pictures to the internet, I was able to rejoin the youth and children’s teams. The last children’s service was at Iglesia de Dios and there were so many kids running around! Since it was the only children’s service I got to attend this year, I enjoyed every moment! The children are beautiful; their mothers are so helpful and loving! It was wonderful to get to see everyone on our team interacting with the children and loving them.

Passing out balloons, or "globos," after the childrens' service

Group picture with children at Iglesia de Dios

Home Groups

We ate a quick and delicious dinner, said goodbye to our sweet sisters who cooked for us and served us over the past few days, and made our way for our last adventure in Técpan: home groups! Libby, Phoenix, Whitney, Kandace, Lisa and I were in one group and Haybi and Benjamin came with us. We met in the home of one of the families in the church and we prayed, sang some songs (in Spanish, of course!), and Haybi gave a message. Again, I was so sad that my communication was so limited. I had a good idea of what she was saying because of the Bible verses she spoke from and because of her great expressiveness, but I couldn’t follow everything and would have loved to really understand everything she said. After the service the family had prepared food for us… they tried to give us a great American treat of hotdogs, but had piled on so many onions, ketchup and mayonnaise that it was hard for most of us to eat it. However, the tea and sweet bread they also gave us was so good!

American feast following home group

Goodbyes

Afterwards Haybi and Benjamin came back to the hotel with us again and we were able to say our goodbyes. Lidia and her husband came to say goodbye, as well as Abraham and Emy and their children. It was so hard to say goodbye because I feel so connected with their family. I am more determined than ever to learn better Spanish before next year! Haybi gave me such a sweet gift before she left. She gave me a small ducking figurine that she told me was very special to her and had great significance. I had to email her to find out what the significance was – she told me that when she got it her dad told her that the duckling is always looking up at the skies and that when she feels sad or incapable she should look at the duckling and remember that God is always close and will always give us what we need to do what He’s called us to do. I felt so honored that she gave such a sentimental gift to me! The goodbyes were hard and I was very close to tears. I finally made it to bed so I could get a few hours of sleep.

Anika and I with Haybi

Guatemala 2009 - Day 6 - Técpan & Paxixil

2009-07-09T16:10:00.001-05:00

Preparing for a Busy Day

Another 6am wake up call brought us into a chilly morning and we made our way to the church for breakfast. Corn flakes and pancakes gave us all great energy to work hard. The men prepared to visit with local business owners, the children’s team prepared to facilitate children’s services at some daughter churches of Iglesia de Dios, and the youth team prepared to visit Paxixil, a small rural farming community a few miles outside Técpan. Lidia, another daughter of Pastor Francisco, has been visiting this small community for several months and had begun conducting services in the home of one of the residents. We went with her to meet the families she had begun reaching out to. Luis, a young elder of the church who is responsible for discipleship with the families in Paxixil, accompanied us as well.

Children's service in Técpan

Craft time with the children in Técpan

Paxixil

When we arrived in Paxixil we realized this was the picture many people have in their minds when they think of foreign missions. We were literally in the middle of nowhere, walking on dirt paths past cows and pigs and children to enter the simple homes of these families. The first home we visited was that of the man who God had called to help start a church in his community. He brought his whole family to meet us… his family alone numbered close to 30 men, women and children. When we left his home and made our way to the next, most of his family followed us.

We met a widow in desperate need of repairs to her home (not really a house, more of a hut) so we took up an offering from our team members and provided enough to fix her house. We met a woman who used to sell alcohol to make a living, but after she saw how alcohol had hurt her family she gave up that business and now makes a more modest living. We also met a woman whose husband had left her, but her greatest concern was for the salvation of her children. We got to pray with each family and speak words of encouragement to them. As we traveled from house to house, walking at least a quarter of a mile between each one, our caravan of men, women and children grew and grew. It was like a dream. Walking through beautiful green hills with shoeless children and women carrying their babies on their backs, trying to learn Spanish words for the new things we saw, and making a focused effort to capture every moment in my memory… I didn’t want to leave!

We returned to Técpan for a quick lunch and then got to go back to Paxixil to facilitate a service for the children there. We sang a couple of children’s songs in Spanish and handed out the gospel bracelets the youth had made the week before. We didn’t realize it before, but having bracelets to give to the children was the best! In a rural community where many individuals are no literate and depend on oral traditions, giving them a gift with spiritual significance and explaining what each color meant was much more effective than simply giving them literature. The children and parents loved the bracelets and, while it took a while to engage them in singing, they eventually joined in and had so much fun. (I don't have any pictures of our time in Paxixil yet, but will post them when I get them!)

Prayer

That night after another incredible dinner we had a special prayer service with the elders of the church. I don’t think I’ve mentioned it yet, but the prayers of people of Guatemala are a powerful thing to experience. Most churches in the U.S. seem to value the quiet and person prayer, allowing the passion that we experience in prayer to stay between us and God. In Guatemala, however, there is a great value on loud and emotional expression. It is not unusual to be in a prayer service there and hear loud shouts and exclamations of God’s Truth. It’s almost like a song… one of the long ones that last for ten minutes and rises and falls and ends beautifully. Our prayer service with the pastors and elders of the church was so special. Wayne facilitated, and we got to pray over Pastor Francisco, several of our team members and over the elders as well. I like how Wayne facilitated our time together… he would call someone he wanted us to pray over, then call another to sit with them, then call several others to come pray, some standing and laying hands, other kneeling on the floor in front of them. It was a beautiful time… I could feel the love God has for us through feeling the love He put in us for each other.

Friends

Following our prayer service, Haybi and her brother Benjamin came back to the hotel with us. Haybi wrapped stands of hair for me and several other girls (just braiding a bright colored thread in a small section of hair). It was fun to visit more with them, but I realized again that my grasp of the Spanish language is still not sufficient. It was hard because there were so many things I wanted to talk with them about and didn’t have the ability. It made me so much more determined to learn even more for next year!

Haybi and Benjamin hanging out with us at the hotel

Guatemala 2009 - Day 5- Santiago Atitlan, Panajachel & Técpan

2009-07-09T15:55:00.000-05:00

Boat Ride to Panajachel

Our time in Santiago had come to an end and I was so exhausted! After breakfast we set out on a long boat ride across the lake to Panajachel. As mentioned I have a tendency to motion sickness, so I took a Dramamine and stayed inside the boat and tried to stay distracted. Thankfully the hour went by quickly and we were soon in the tourist attraction of Panajachel. Well known for its open shopping market, we were given three hours to eat lunch and shop.

Everyone enjoying the view and the boat ride across the lake

Phoenix and I enjoying the boat ride from inside the boat

Viña Studios

After our time in Panahachel we began our journey into the mountains. We stopped at an immense and beautiful waterfall for some pictures then drove another short while to a unique organization called Viña Studios. At Viña we had the opportunity to experience firsthand the work they do and the impact they make in Guatemala and around the world. This organization has several programs… from recording audio versions of the Bible in new languages as they are being translated, to recording music from all different languages and ethnicities, to creating a fascinating children’s video series called “Deditos” that utilizes finger puppets to tell Bible stories (think Veggie Tales). These are then dubbed in a limitless number of languages and distributed across Guatemala and in other countries as well. Check their website at http://www.vinyastudios.org/en/ for more information on their programs.

Miniature set of "Deditos"

Arrival to Técpan

After our brief visit at Viña we piled back onto the bus and drove another hour and a half or so to Técpan. Técpan is a smaller community of only about 15,000 residents. I had been waiting for this visit since we first arrived in Guatemala. Last year I had developed some good friendships with the family of Pastor Francisco of the church there, specifically his youngest daughter, Haybi (pronounced Ivy). I had been so excited to go back and spend more time and develop those relationships more. When we arrived in Técpan it was so cold! The rain didn’t help, and even though I packed more appropriately this year, I still wished I had packed more clothes for the cold weather. After getting settled in our rooms we went to the church where we ate all our meals. The deaconesses of the church had assigned women to cook all our meals (cooking for 27 Americans is not the easiest of tasks!) and every meal was wonderful.

Where we enjoyed our meals cooked by the women of the church

Service at Iglesia de Dios

After eating we went into the sanctuary for a rescheduled church service. Iglesia de Dios in Técpan always blesses us in extremely special ways. They had ordered memorable gifts of appreciation for all us (they looked like trophies) and had our names in each one. They called us in front of the whole church individually to express their thanks. Then the women’s choir sang several songs. Wayne was also given the privilege to open gifts that our church had provided for Iglesia de Dios that included a heavy-duty copier and table for the copier. Abraham then gave a message as Maurice translated. I love getting to go to church in Técpan. After the service and briefly getting to visit with Haybi, her mother Rosalina, and Abraham’s wife Emy, I headed back to the hotel and fell asleep before 9:30pm.

Wayne opening up the copier for the church.

Maurice translating for Abraham as he preaches.

Guatemala 2009 - Day 4- Santiago Atitlan

2009-07-09T15:24:00.000-05:00

La Colonia

While the men went to the worksite again, the children’s team (Joanne, Chrissy, Anika, MaeAnn, Renee and Kathy) went to La Colonia ("The Colony") to do a service for the children. The youth team joined in later and had a great time blessing the kids there. La Colonia is an evacuee village of sorts for the families whose homes were destroyed in a huge mudslide in 2004. Some of the most extreme poverty in Santiago is found in La Colonia and the families who live there are generally ostracized by the rest of the community. The team passed out the clothes and flip flops we brought specifically for each child there and gave out soccer balls as well.

Routine means of transportation to and from ministry sites

Children playing at La Colonia

After the childrens' service at La Colonia

Passing out sponsored soccer balls at La Colonia

Painting Tables

While the men worked and the children's team ministered to the children at La Colonia, the youth women plus Travis set off for Alfa y Omega to paint the tables used in all the children’s classrooms. It took some time to get organized, but eventually we got started painting under the supervision of an incredible professional artist, Juan. He mixed the few colors of paint he had purchased and created some beautiful colors that covered the tables. After a couple of hours of painting, we headed back to the hotel for lunch. After lunch, Lisa, Anika and I went to worksite to work for an hour or so. Lisa and I experienced chiseling rocks into smaller rocks to be used for concrete mix. It was so much harder than I expected. We didn’t stay long, though, because we had to go finish decorating the tables we had painted.

Painted tables, ready to be decorated

The entire youth and children’s teams met at Alfa y Omega and began the process of painting decorations on the tables. Initially planning to use stencils, we soon discovered that coming up with freehand simple designs were best. We opted for ladybugs, shapes, balloons, and trees. Juan embellished a few of our designs and gave us a hint of his amazing talent. After we finished all the tables, we headed back to the hotel for another wonderful dinner, stopping briefly to check out where Chrissy lives with the pastor of Alfa y Omega.

Table painted by our talented new friend, Juan

Children at Alfa y Omeag sitting at a newly painted table

About to go inside the home where Chrissy lives

Youth team

That night we had a fascinating practical lesson in phonetics and language acquisition. Wayne taught us the process that is used by Bible translators to learn an unwritten language, create an alphabet, and identify proper grammar structures. He then had a man who spoke Tz’utujil join us and taught us how he would learn the language through utilizing different sizes and quantities of certain objects. It was incredible and gave me so much more respect and admiration for the people who have dedicated their lives to this work.

Guatemala 2009 - Day 3 - Santiago Atitlan

2009-07-09T14:47:00.000-05:00

We had wake up call at 6am every morning and had breakfast at 7am. Breakfast in Santiago was always a great experience and nothing can compare to the coffee there. I’m not a habitual coffee drinker, but I drank 2 cups every morning we were in Santiago.

Where we ate our meals in Santiago

Hard Work

The church we partner with in this city is the Iglesia Alfa y Omega. They always have many projects in progress and on this trip we got to help with a project called “Campemento David” near some new government housing. They had already built a soccer field for youth in the area to use and are currently in the process of preparing to build a retreat center. Our strong and determined men took on the challenge of assisting in this preparation by hauling cinder blocks and sand, digging huge rocks out of the ground, digging ditches for concrete to be poured, and chiseling rocks so they could make their own concrete.

Our men leaving to work in the rain

Parade in San Juan

Our first morning when the men went off to work hard, the women took a little boat trip to the small town of San Juan to see an annual parade and to visit the tutors who taught Anika and Ms. Joanne Spanish. It took a while to figure out where the parade was to be held, then discovered the actual parade had been postponed due to the rain. Have I mentioned that it rained literally every single day we were in

Guatemala

?? For those of you who know me even a little bit know that I am not a fan of rain, but thankfully God gave me grace to still thoroughly enjoy every moment. We made our way to an open-air gymnasium where we scoped out some good seats (we thought) to watch the show. Soon, however, we realized that in order to see anything, we would have to squeeze our way through the crowds that had arrived late and pressed in front of us. Rather than fight for a better view, we settled for people watching and had a blast!

Girls on the boat to San Juan

Packed out "parade"

San Juan had some incredibly steep hills. We got our daily workout just walking around the city!

More Hard Work and New Friends

After a yummy lunch at a corner restaurant back in Santiago, the girls from the youth team joined the men and helped with the manual labor. I got to help dig a ditch to pour concrete and made a couple of new friends… an eight-year old boy named Roberto and a young guy named Francisco. Unfortunately for my co-laborers, I tend to place greater importance on developing relationships than I do on digging ditches, so I talked with (and possibly distracted) my new friends in horribly broken Spanish and the men’s team eventually referred to me as “mucho blah blah blah.” However, I still maintain that I was able to work and converse at the same time.

Fogata

After we got back to the hotel, cleaned up and ate dinner, we joined the youth from Alfa y Omega for a “fogata” or “bonfire.” However, when we entered a building with a large fireplace, we realized that our definitions for “bonfire” were quite different. The activity was still great fun, and we had a service that included singing worship songs in both Spanish and English, hearing a message from the youth pastor and translated through Wayne. We had a brief time of prayer and fellowship with our brothers and sisters then headed back to the hotel. After such a long day, I went directly to sleep!

New friends from Iglesia Alfa y Omega at the fogata

Guatemala 2009 - Day 2 - Antigua & Santiago Atitlan

2009-07-07T15:32:00.000-05:00

Posada de Don Rodrigo

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling quite refreshed. I headed down to our prayer time, stopping only briefly at the computer station to shoot my mom a quick email letting her know we had made it safely. After our prayer time we had some time of worship together, then Christian gave a short message. Following our private service, we had a wonderful breakfast, complete with native fruits such as plantains, mango, melon, among others. We also had toast with some kind of native jam and choice of pancakes or eggs. It was all so good! Soon after we started eating some good friends from Técpan stopped by to see us… Pastor Fransisco Bach, his sons Abraham and Chico and his daughter (and my friend) Haybi. They didn’t get to stay for long, but it was so good to see them prior to our arrival in Técpan several days later.

Room at the Posada where we ate breakfast and had Sunday morning service.

Antigua

After breakfast we had some time to do a bit of sightseeing in Antigua. I went with Anika and Jayson to the bank and then to an indoor market (our preference due to the relentless rain outside).

View of Antigua in the rain.

For lunch, the group enjoyed eating Pollo Campero and especially loved eating the donuts with ice cream on top.

Whitney, Bethany and Lisa at Pollo Campero

We then headed to visit the Iglesia y Convento de la Recoleccion (Church and Convent of the Recollection), an incredibly impressive site of ruins that date back to early 1700’s. The guys climbed, the girls took pictures, and Bethany begged for a game of hide and go seek (which was not granted).

Wayne as our tour guide, sharing the history of the Iglesia y Convento de la Recoleccion

The group climbing in the ruins

More Traveling

The bus ride to Santiago seemed longer than it really was due to my tendency to motion sickness. Thankfully we arrived before any disasters could take place, and we carried our luggage about a quarter-mile to our home for the next three nights, the Hotel Tiosh Abaj. The people of Santiago do speak Spanish, but many also speak the indigenous native language of Tz’utujil. “Tiosh Abaj” refers to sacred rock of the Mayan religion in that area. We had an incredible dinner at the hotel, then enjoyed a dynamic message delivered by our own Wayne Huff.

Our hotel in Santiago Atitlan, the Tiosh Abaj

Guatemala 2009 - Day 1 - Preflections & Travel

2009-07-07T15:16:00.000-05:00

PREFLECTIONS

In the past, God has used mission trips to change my life in some way. I usually get some kind of new revelation that comes from my heart being broken over something. A worship song says that “everything must die to rise again” and I think that is very true of me. The interesting thing is that God had decided to allow things to happen that started the process of dying to myself again before I set a foot in

Guatemala

. I wondered “what in the world does God have planned for me on this trip if He’s getting this much of a head start??”

TRAVEL

As soon as I became even slightly conscious early Saturday morning I couldn’t fall back asleep because of everything I had to do. Crystal had spent the night with me so my sweet and patient friend had the pleasure of me asking her about every 30 seconds “should I take this or this or this or this??” We finally made it out the door, dropped my car off to be worked on while I was gone, and got the airport only 10 minutes later than scheduled (for those who know me at all, this was indeed the first miracle of the trip). Our group of 24 made it through security without any hiccups and had some time to kill before our flight. While everyone else got grossly overpriced airport food, I got a coke and called my dad to wish him a happy Father’s Day a day early. We then had a short meeting with Wayne, our fearless and experienced leader, to get a kind of pep talk before we crossed the ocean to Central America and

Guatemala

The plane ride went quickly, I got to sit with Bethany and Michael and we had lots of fun on the 3.5 hour flight. We had a brief layover in San Salvador then took a 30 minute flight into Guatemala City. We then piled onto a bus and made our way to Antigua, where we spent our first night at the Posada de Don Rodrigo. We met up with Chrissy, our church’s missionary in Guatemala, and Anika and Ms. Joanne who went down 2 weeks early to take some language classes. Seeing as I had gotten very little sleep the night before, I went to bed as soon as I was able to get settled in the room I shared with Anika and Christen. I feel asleep to the sweet singing of our youth as they praised God in Guatemala.

Sitting with Bethany and Michael on the plane.

God's faithfulness _ My stubborn fear

2009-05-02T20:00:00.000-05:00

This may seem a bit odd, to post back-to-back postings immediately - one declaring how good and faithful God is and one sharing so many current fears and frustrations - but this just happens to be where I am today.

As much as I like to pretend that I've got it all together, I don't. I love to proclaim the TRUTH of God's character - that He is perfect and good in all He does - but I don't always believe it. My personality tends to be kind of double-sided. The Jesus in me allows my personality to be full of energy and passion and attack everything that life brings with a great measure of joy. These times of living are incredible!! However, the Sarah in me tends to be fearful and easily overwhelmed and depressed. These times of living are, honestly, miserable. This week I have been living with more Sarah in me than Jesus, so it's been a hard week.

It doesn't make sense that I can acknowledge God's faithfulness in my life - He has NEVER let me down - and yet I still live in fear that He won't come through this time. I can speak words of truth, that God will take care of everything and I have nothing to fear, but I internalize my fear to the point that I just want to cry and sleep so I don't have to deal with it. Just in the past 24 hours I have prayed "God, what do you want from me??" and "God, how in the world are you going to provide this time??"

I feel pulled in so many directions and and completely not in control. As a naturally controlling person, this is SO hard for me, and yet so good! Honestly, as much as I hate it and don't always gracefully deal with it, this is the best place for me to be. Remember my last post said I don't want life to be easy?? This is such a love-hate relationship. I get too apathetic when live is all marshmallows and gum drops, but the moment things get hard it seems I roll into this weird depressive state. This isn't healthy, but it continues to force me into a place of prayer and to open up with my friends more, which is hard for me.

My mom always told me that when you worry, you take on responsibility that God never intended you to have. I agree, but I still do it. God has promised that He is my deliverer, my provider, and the only One who can meet all my needs. Why do I try to do it all myself? Two words: selfishness and pride. I get stressed and overwhelmed when I am so focused on myself and my (in)ability to meet my own needs. Oh I pray that God continues to pull these things out of my life and to train me to focus on HIM and HIS ability to meet my needs!

To practice attempted humility, I want to ask for your prayers for these things:

*that God will provide everything I need for law school - finances, time, ability

*that God will provide housing - my lease is up at the end of May and the plan I had just got a kink in it, I don't know what I'm doing now and this is stressful

*that God will show me how to spend my time - I'm very overwhelmed with working my full-time job, trying to accomplish everything needed for Project Duncanville, and still maintaining my commitment to youth ministry (for a limited time) - the prospect of adding law school to the mix scares me so much, I can't quit my job and I don't feel released from Project Duncanville

*that God will provide contentment in my singleness - an issue I struggle with constantly, even though God's timing is perfect and He isn't wasting a moment of my single years, this is something that I worry about often

I covet your prayers. Even though I suck at saying it most of the time, I can't make it through life alone and need your friendship and support. I thank my God for you!!

Welcome to... my heart!

2009-05-02T18:29:00.000-05:00

Ahhh finally, the last in this series of posts on my background. I started thinking this wasn't the best idea when I realized I lacked motivation to write about myself. There are so many more interesting things to write about, but writing these "me" posts have gotten in the way. So here we are, the most intimidating post to write... about my heart.

I've known God all my life. I haven't always obeyed Him or even maintained a good relationship with Him, but He has always been in my life. Even though a lot of people (including me!) think that young children really can't make decisions about following Jesus, I did when I was 4 years old. God has blessed me with this memory of hiding my head under my covers, sleeping on the trundle bed in our old house in South Fort Worth, and praying "Dear Jesus, I know I need you, please come into my heart. Amen." Such simple words! Those words have forever changed my life.

My life doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Jesus, who saved me from all the mess I get myself in. Without Him I can't do anything right, but with Him... watch out! With Jesus in my life I can do all the things I could never do on my own. I absolutely credit God with every success in my life. I believe He has called me and set me apart to do great things for His Kingdom. Know anything about the Kingdom of God? It's crazy... totally upside down! In God's Kingdom the sick are healthy, the poor are rich, and the captives are free! I believe God has called me to help turn the world upside down.

I've always loved to help people. I think this became the most evident on early mission trips with my church. When I was 15 we painted and fixed up an elderly couple's house; when I was 16 we went to inner-city Chicago and served the homeless. My heart became very involved in the work we did and a love and a burden to help others was planted. Other experiences made these seeds grow. I have a very distinct memory from the last mission trip I went on with my youth group. We were in Montreal, Quebec and the missionary's wife told us that she never really knew what she wanted to do to serve God, so she prayed and told God that she was willing to go wherever and do whatever He wanted, even before she knew what that was. On our long bus ride back to Kansas City, I read Ezekiel 17:22-24.

This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will take a shoot from the very top of a cedar and plant it; I will break off a tender sprig from its topmost shoots and plant it on a high and lofty mountain. On the mountain heights of Israel I will plant it; it will produce branches and bear fruit and become a splendid cedar. Birds of every kind will nest in it; they will find shelter in the shade of its branches. All the trees of the field will know that I the Lord bring down the tall tree and make the low tree grow tall. I dry up the green tree and make the dry tree flourish. I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it.

I prayed another prayer that changed my life. I told God that I would go wherever and do whatever He wanted, even though I didn't know what that was yet. This scripture from Ezekiel is a prophesy about Jesus, but I claimed it as a prophesy for myself too. I knew at that moment that God would take me from where I grew and plant me somewhere else. I knew that wherever He would plant me, that He would allow me to prosper as I minister to those who need help. And I knew that, if I clung to Him and was obedient, He would bring glory to Himself and show the world how powerful He is through His perfect provision and guidance in my life.

Months later, as a college freshman, I read through the entire book of Ezekiel. God laid a burden on my heart to specifically minister to people in urban areas and in poverty. I went on every inner-city missions trip I could. I led groups to minister at the homeless shelter. I joined and worked with a church in a high-poverty area of Springfield, near my college. God continued to teach and lead and develop me to lean on him in every situation. After college I moved back to the Dallas area to be closer to my family. God has absolutely lead me and provided perfectly for me in every single circumstance. Throughout college, through my MSW program, through beginning my professional career, through being planted in a new church and community, God has granted me favor and provided everything I need. I'm so amazed at His faithfulness!

My heart is to love God (even though I fail and try and fail and try), and to serve the people He loves through turning the world upside down. I want to empower the disenfranchised and I want to bring dignity to the disrespected; I want to work towards that impossible dream of bringing freedom to the oppressed. I want to spend all my talents and resources on those society refuses to take a second glance at. I want to live so counter-intuitively that the world can't make sense of it. I want God to show the world how powerful and good and faithful He is. I don't want life to be easy, because then God wouldn't have the chance to flex His muscles in my life. My heart is still to love those in our inner-cities, but He's also slowly placed a burden for those outside the US living in true poverty and oppression (instead of our play-pretend poverty and oppression in the US). I don't know where God will lead me, but I'm still telling God that I will go wherever He wants me to go and do whatever He wants me to do, even though I don't know what that is yet.

Welcome to... my church!

2009-04-16T20:34:00.000-05:00

I've always been a "churchy" girl. I can't help it. First I was brought as an infant, became invested as a toddler (I loved pretending to be Jesus raising from the dead and "tipee-toeing to heaven"), and grew to love church as a young teenager. I became a Christian when I was very young (more about this in Welcome to... my heart!) and have always loved learning more about God, what He's done and who He is.

I moved back to the Dallas area in 2005 and had a tough time settling in a church that really felt like family. I had some great experiences in several churches before God led me to my church family at Southwest Harvest Church in Duncanville. I know... Duncanville??!!?? I'm not sure I even knew Duncanville existed before I connected with this church. Through a seemingly random meeting with a young man at a Chamber of Commerce mixer in Grand Prairie and a follow up meeting to discuss work, God led me to truly the most amazing spiritual family I've ever had. Not a perfect family, but I love them and I love what God is doing there.

A heart of giving

This is likely one of the most distinguishing qualities of SWHC. There is an incredible focus on giving, not limited to the tithe, but to each other and to ministries and missions. Shortly after I started attending Sunday morning services, the church started collecting alms gifts. Every Sunday attendees are invited to give small (or large) amounts of cash or gift cards for gas or food and place them in baskets on the alter. At the end of each service the money is given directly to anyone in attendance with an immediate need. The money never even enters the church ledger. Givers are not given a tax receipt. It is quite literally a gift to our neighbor. This is merely one example of the giving heart of my church, one that challenges me every single week.

Youth ministry

I am a leader of our junior high ministry. I co-lead a homegroup of a handful of junior students that usually meets in my home and disciple/mentor a few junior high girls. I've had the honor of being involved in this ministry for almost a year and a half. I LOVE my girls and have so much fun with them! I'm inspired to see them learn and grow and mature. While youth ministry is not my deepest heart passion, I am so thankful to have the opportunity to spend time with our students and love them and teach them.

Diversity

Yeah right. Diversity in church?? No way! That's what I said when I was told that this church actually had even proportions of different races and ethnicities. It makes me feel a little bit closer to heaven getting to worship with my brothers and sisters who don't look like me and have had experiences in their lives that make mine richer. It is also very common to find interracial couples and biracial children at my church. One of my close friends is a white woman, married to a black man, and she has a half-Mexican daughter. They are such a beautiful family!!

Project Duncanville

This is the primary reason I was interested in coming to this church. In my last post (Welcome to... my work!) I shared a little bit about this incredible organization. Although officially a separate nonprofit, the church still supports its work though some funding and a wealth of volunteers. I've been so impressed with the church's commitment to the vision and mission of Project Duncanville over the past two-plus years!

Family

No, my family doesn't go to my church with me (though I wish they did). The people who go to my church have become like family to me. They absolutely don't replace my wonderful family, but they love me and I have the pleasure of loving them. I love going to a small-ish church (about 200), especially in an area where megachurches seem to be so popular. I get to develop relationships not only with my peers (young 20-something singles), but also with children, teenagers, younger parents, older parents... I feel like I have several mothers, fathers, grandparents, brothers and sisters all in one place! I truly feel loved, supported, and encouraged here more than any other place, except for mom's house, of course!

I get to contribute a lot at my church, not only in serving in the youth ministry, Project Duncanville, and taking my turn in the nursery every month, but in getting to a be a unique part of the Body of Christ. I've always compared myself to a big toe in the Body. I am generally willing to take an ungraceful place of service, but feel like I can help provide stability to keep the Body standing. I have the opportunity to share my skills and expertise as a social worker, but I also get to share my experience as a single young woman who is learning more all the time about what it means to be wholly satisfied in the Lord. I get to engage in prayer meetings and provide policy recommendations to ministry staff. I have the blessing to join my church family in worshipping our Savior and the responsibility of answering the "social work-ish" questions. I feel like I can truly be all who I am and who God has created me to be within the community I have found in my church.

Welcome to... my work!

2009-04-02T19:07:00.000-05:00

I never wanted to be a social worker.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a librarian and an astronaut. As God moved in my life in college, I realized God's calling on my life was to serve His people - more specifically, to serve His people that nobody else wanted to serve. Naturally I was drawn to inner city ministries. After one year of college I wanted nothing more than to move into a poverty-stricken urban community and live. At times it was hard to continue my education because I so strongly desired to live among and love the poor and the oppressed. I struggled to choose a field of study - first choosing education, then business, then missions, and finally settled on sociology. [[side note: any degree ending in "-ology" is essentially useless without graduate level education, except kinesiology, with which you can be a gym teacher]] Even as a sociology major and learning more about the field of social work, I didn't want to be a part of what I saw as the system of oppression. However, I took the jump to get my Masters degree in social work (because I could do nothing with a sociology degree) and decided that I would learn this evil system as well as I could so that later I could help others navigate the system.

While in grad school I learned that my anal organization skills and creativity and love for people could all come together in community-level social work and I was, for the first time, excited and proud to be a social worker. I also realized that being a social worker didn't only allow me to learn the system for the sake of beating it, but as a social worker I could equip the Church with skills and resources that it should have to effectively serve others. See, even though social work is, in my opinion, one of the most Christlike professions available, there are very few Christians in the field. More importantly, social workers are doing much of the work that I believe churches should be doing. I gained a vision for learning as much as I could so I could eventually skillfully serve not as a social worker, but as a ambassador of Jesus and His Bride, the Church. This vision is also what has led me to apply to law school - so I can fight for justice in a very real and tangible way in the name of Jesus.

Though I've only been in the social work profession for four years, I have had so many incredible experiences. I have worked in a hospital as a medical social worker, I have coordinated community coalitions and led community organizing and advocacy efforts, I have presented at seminars and conferences, I have taught teenage boys in the jail system about HIV and STD prevention, and currently I work in a community court as a social service coordinator helping poor and homeless individuals, alcoholics and crack addicts, immigrants and prostitutes to access community resources.

My work in incredibly important, but as a licensed social worker I can't engage my clients on a personal level. This is so hard for me, but the skills I have acquired have helped me to more effectively serve those I DO have the opportunity to build relationships with. Every single experience has been necessary to help the people God has put in my life over the years. I have seen a glimpse of my vision being realized - I am able to serve others at my church through the skills I have gained as a social worker in a way that honors Jesus (more about this in Welcome to... my church!).

I am paid to coordinate all the social services provided through the West Dallas Community Court, but I also work as a volunteer with a new nonprofit my church started not long ago. Project Duncanville was born of a vision given to a man in my church to serve the neighbors in the community immediately surrounding the church. It initially began as a ministry of the church but has recently been formed into a separate nonprofit organization so that the entire community can be a part of the vision we have to connect neighbors into relationships with each other and to serve our needy neighbors with care and compassion. Through serving with Project Duncanville, I am able to use all the skills I have acquired so far to coordinate such an incredible effort.

I am so blessed to get to be involved in so many great things and know that God will continue to use every experience in my past to help others in the future.

Welcome to... my family!

2009-03-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

I realized that I have renewed my commitment to this blog and just dove straight in, without giving any insight to why I post about what I do. I want to share a little bit about what has made up my worldview and my perspective as well as a few things I am involved in. These will be broken up into several posts: my family, my job, my church, and my heart.

First to share about is such a joy... my family! I have one of the most incredible and supportive families ever and am so thankful for them. Allow me to introduce the people I love the most:

Mom (Donna)

This woman is awesome. She is my mentor and role model, my counselor and caregiver. She leads a life that points others to God and is a woman of great integrity and honor. She works hard and loves ever harder. Plus, I am convinced there is nothing she cannot do well (except maybe sing...). I am so blessed to be her daughter.

Bub (Philip)

This handsome guy is my younger brother. Since we're only two years apart we've shared a lot of really great memories over the years. He is definitely the sweeter sibling, genuinely cares about people so much, and is a really good forgiver. He also has incredible talent when it comes to just about anything creative, especially music (I was always jealous of his musical abilities, and might be still...). We don't agree on everything, but we love to laugh, eat, and play lots of wii together.

Dad (David), Nina, Cheyenne, and Leila

My parents were separated in 2005 and divorced in 2006. This was definitely hard, but a good thing in the end. Since then my dad has married a woman of so many talents and abilities - Nina is a stick of Thai dynamite! She takes good care of my dad and is a great mom to my sisters. My dad is an incredibly talented man as well. He cooks better than anyone else I know and sings like an angel. He gives the best "dad hugs" and is always quick to offer help when it's needed. They live in the bay area of California so I don't get to see them too often, but love to go out there when I can.

Cheyenne is my beautiful eight-year-old step-sister. She is so smart and so much fun to play with. She even lets me fix her hair and play her Nintendo DS. On my last trip to CA we put together a gingerbread house and played our own incredibly crazy version of Twister!

Leila Rose is my cute and feisty half-sister. She's almost 17 months and has quite the personality already! She knows exactly what she wants and what she likes. It's hard not getting to be around to see her grow.

Like I said, we don't get to all be together often, but it's a party when we do! :)

I'm so thankful for my family and thankful that God has blessed me with such wonderful people to love. Things aren't always perfect by any means, but at the end of the day I couldn't ask for better people to walk through life with.

Still figuring this out...

2009-03-20T15:12:00.000-05:00

So if you can't tell, I'm not an expert blogger... yet! I'm still trying to figure out how to at least moderately increase the aesthetics of the blog. It's funny how long I have spent looking at templates and pictures and trying to figure out how to express myself to the world. At this point I think I like what I have, so we'll see...

It's Friday and I've run across several items of interest over the past week that I will post here:

The Blue Sweater: Bridging the Gap between Rich and Poor in an Interconnected World: looks like an amazing book, check this article for an interview and excerpt. I don't understand much about microfinance and economic development, but absolutely support this kind of work.
Paul Levy & Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center: I was so encouraged by this man's desire and effort to care for ALL the workers in his company, without regard for station or position
Judge Victor Lander: is the Administrative Judge for the City of Dallas and presides over the court I work in from time to time. His recent literary boo-boo made a lot of people mad... these people obviously don't know him. He's such a nice man, fair to every defendent I've seen go before him, and never treats me (one of the whitest women in Dallas) like he's having to clean up any of my messes. Granted, he shouldn't have said what he did, it's simply another example of giving into stereotypes as the easy way out, but I for one will continue to support him. (for the record, he did apologize... tv news interview here)
Lastly, for fun, check out this video that cracked me up today... a must-see, espeically for all Easter candy lovers!

Have a great weekend!!

Leading and Provision...or How I Got Into Law School

2009-03-15T22:50:00.001-05:00

BIG NEWS: I received my letter of admission from Texas Wesleyan University School of Law yesterday!!! I am still waiting to get my admission letter from SMU, but that won't come until late April. I was reminded of God's absolute perfect leading and provision in my life this weekend when I got the letter.

God laid applying to law school on my heart about 5 months ago. I had never considered law school before, never dreamt about it, never desired it... then all of a sudden I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop thinking of all the good God could do through me with additional training and sharpening. The thought of more school after spending six years in higher education didn't seem incredibly appealing, but I also knew that I had started becoming discontent with my social work case management job. I consistently see that the "help" I offer to others - primarily homeless, drug users, and illegal immigrants - isn't what they need. A program that doesn't address under-the-surface issues will not help anyone in the long run. The systems in place to "help" people are really no help at all (or at best, limited and temporary help). I recognize that I have developed a certain cynicism, but I credit that to the fact that my licensure limits what I can do for my clients. I want to do more, but am not allowed to. I want to engage my clients at the root of lives - their hearts and histories - but am restricted to only provide a temporary salve to the symptoms that erupt from time to time.

When I saw a legal education as a way to do more and even realized that I could complete a law degree before my 30th birthday (heck, Jesus didn't finish His training until He was 30 too), I figured I didn't have anything to lose! So, within about a week, before even feeling at peace about it, I registered for the LSAT and started researching schools. I went to a Law Day at TWU and got more information about the program. A few weeks before I took the LSAT God finally gave me that indescribable peace - the understanding that something which seems nonsensical is in line with His plan. I ended up studying for just over a week, took the LSAT while majorly struggling with a painful sinus infection, and miraculously ended up not scoring too bad (literally. I didn't score super well either, but was happy with hitting the up-side of average).

We all have a fear of failure - even when we believe God is leading us into something - and we are scared it won't work out. God has led me into situations that have ended miserably, but showed me His beautiful grace throughout the process. As I went through the motions of studying for the LSAT, taking the LSAT, applying to law schools (I applied to 2 schools, TWU and SMU, and only applied to SMU initially to appease a friend), and waiting for acceptance letters, I was scared! I was scared that God was leading me into another situation just to fail and to show me that He is all I need (a lesson I get tired of learning). So on one hand, receiving an acceptance letter was affirmation that God had provided again for where He was leading me. However, He would have provided just as perfectly if I had not been admitted to any school at all. That's what I'm learning about God's leading and provision... that even if the provision doesn't look like I think it should, He truly gives us EVERYTHING we need to accomplish what He's laid before us. God has laid justice and community and loving others on my heart. Even though I never knew it before, a huge piece of His plan for my life is to increase my capacity as a minister and an advocate through a legal education.

Even now, I'm so scared that I will fail at law school. But I do believe with all of my heart that God will provide everything I need.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurabely more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

Oh Life...

2009-03-11T10:35:00.000-05:00

I have always struggled to finish ambitious projects. I am incredibly optimistic and set high goals and many times do not complete the work. Such is the case with this blog that was originally intended to tell the stories of my 2008 trip to Guatemala. You have a great look at our first day of the trip and nothing beyond. I considered deleting the blog all together and starting over, but even the unfinished project is something I can learn from.

All that said, I may attempt to keep up with this blog more than simply a missions update. I've become a bit more committed to keeping up with other blogs recently, thanks to Google Reader, and have a lot of issues and events that I would like to respond to. I will not make that attempt today, unless I get a ton of work done, but will try to post something later on this week. (At this point I'm pretty sure nobody even knows this blog exists, so it's really no big deal.)

Day 1 - Saturday, June 21

2008-07-06T18:00:00.000-05:00

Traveling

Me with one of my students, Christen, in the church van going to the airport

A majority of the first day of the trip was spent traveling. I rode in a carpool to the airport with several other team members. Getting through all the baggage checks and security points took a couple of hours. After repacking several bags to stay under the strict 50-pound luggage limit and ensuring everyone had a ticket to Guatemala, we boarded the plane that took us to San Salvador.

Me on the flight to San Salvador and not incredibly pleased at having my picture taken

The flight was mostly uneventful. They fed us what I thought a very good meal (I found out later my teammates did not agree) and they showed Spiderman 3. I was still very timid in my Spanish speaking so I did not engage the woman sitting next to me until our decent into San Salvador. I realized all over again that the language barrier we would face would be very limiting in being able to connect with people. My expectations for developing relationships with those we met in Guatemala were very low as I could barely speak to the woman on the plane about where she was from and where she was going.

Team members filling out customs forms at the airport in San Salvador.

After arriving in San Salvador, we had about an hour before boarding our flight for Guatemala City. We spent the time filling out customs forms and gleaning a bit more insight into the culture of Guatemala from our trip guide, Wayne Huff. Brother Wayne has spent the past 43 years in and out of Guatemala translating the Bible, assigning and situating missionaries, and leading trips like ours to minister to the hearts and needs of the Guatemalans. His love for the people of Guatemala is so evident and He shared that love with our team. As we stood in the airport waiting for our next flight he reminded us that we were traveling to Guatemala to meet Jesus. With his distinct tone of excitement and anticipation, he told us that Jesus lives in Guatemala, and we get to visit Him there!

Leaving the airport in Guatemala City

La Posada de Don Rodrigo

We took another short flight to Guatemala City, successfully retrieved our luggage (all except for one piece, which came several days later), boarded a chartered bus, and rode for about 45 minutes to Antigua, where we stayed the night at the La Posada de Don Rodrigo. This hotel is one of many unique destinations in Antigua, with beautiful courtyards and having no two rooms that were exactly alike. We slept hard after a long day of traveling and were anxious to wake up the next morning to start our Guatemalan adventure!

Our hotel room at La Posada de Don Rodrigo

Preflections

2008-07-06T17:53:00.000-05:00

My trip to

Guatemala

was my first overseas mission trip. I had attempted to go on several overseas trips in the past and, for one reason or another, things had never worked out. I actually resisted going to

Guatemala

initially because of several potential complications, such as starting a new job and needing to move during the same time as the trip, and because I still felt very new at my church. Thankfully, God has placed me in an incredible church family and at the encouraging of friends and the grace of the Holy Spirit, I decided to commit to going to

Guatemala

. Things fit in place perfectly with being able to take time off at my new job, moving to Duncanville a week before the trip, and finances were, for once, not even a concern.

I had no idea how to pray for the trip. I was totally unfamiliar with Guatemalan culture and wasn’t even fully aware of all the work we would be doing there. In my mind, Guatemala seemed very void of life, just like a spot on a map, because I had no connection. I spent some sweet prayer time in preparation for the trip, but really had no clue what God had in store to teach me.

My goals for the trip were simple: I wanted to see God’s power and come to know Him in more of His fullness. I wanted to see God move not only in the lives of those we would serve, but I wanted Him to move my heart and change how I see Him. I didn’t know what it would look like, but I wanted to see miracles! And our gentle Lord, in His faithfulness, gave me more than I asked for in ways I never expected.

Guatemala 2008!

2008-06-29T21:12:00.000-05:00

I created this blog primarily to be able to share about the recent trip I took to Guatemala. I'll be adding posts for each day and will also be adding several pictures. Get excited to read some exciting things about my adventures in Guatemala!